My friends are making me do this

Too Fucked Up to Update

2004-09-05T20:50:00.000-07:00

sorry I know you missed my updates but since college fucking started, I've been to fucked up, wasted, loaded, and just plain drunk to update this thing.
Plus mark changed the password.
but now I'm back. so fuck that, you pussys were worried I wouldn't update anymore.
I fucking love this thing.
I fucking love college too. I miss my friends like mark, kelly, liz, kim, dana, brian, erik, briana, phil, and them, but i've made a lot of friends too....drinking buddys mostly.
in fredonia we spend a lot of our time completely trashed.
and sometimes we even get kicked off the drunk bus.
and that kind of sucks.
if you have any information about the other night and my hickey then please call my cell.
which i am not giving the number of here.
so....fuck yourself.

kelly and liz are so dumb. how dumb are they?

2004-08-17T16:18:00.000-07:00

kelly and liz think that i will let my name be slandered forever well lets see them post new updates now haha b**ches and yettie P.S. "this is mike it really is"

What the fuck is with Mark anyways?

2004-08-16T16:30:00.000-07:00

He won't return my phone calls, I'm so fucking pissed. What an insensitve dick! You know, I gave him my heart...as well as other things..*clear throat*....and I can't believe that he would toy with my fucking emotions this way. I know I'm a guy and I have this image but I thought he understood...What a fucking jackass!!!! I know he has an unbelievably attractive girlfriend that I am not attracted to, but that doesn't mean we can't have something on the side...I mean what does she have that I don't? Okay so here's what I think that bitch mark should do, I think he can take his gorgeous girlfriend and forget about us. I know he'll come crawling the fuck back someday, but see If I care. Sides, that Dan O. has been lookin' like one hot mama lately....we'll see man enough for me. I'm fucking out of here bitch.

2004-08-15T22:34:00.000-07:00

So tonight we went over to Phils house to play some games. I beat everyone to hell except when Brian started cheating and winning. I still kick ass.
I hate it when people don't want rides home with me even though I'm driving to their fucking house practically. I have a car because I'm sweet.
I also hate that people don't leave me comments because i mean i even put up my mad sexy picture but no comments telling me how sexy I am? That fucking hurts. If you don't leave comments then you're a fucking pussy.
I think I'm going to go get drunk now.
Also, Dana, I don't like you--I just think you're hot.
YOU CAN'T KEEP DICK DOWN.
(Leave a fucking comment)

2004-08-15T10:26:00.000-07:00

This is me

These are a few of my favorite things

2004-08-14T22:02:00.005-07:00

Here is a list of my fucking favorite phrases:
fuck you
fuck it
fuck that
fuck him
fuck her
sex
I'd have sex with you
Wanna have sex?
you dumbass
what a dumbass
you stupid dumbass
bitch
you stupid dumbass bitch
beer
sex
alcohol
what the fuck?
what the hell?
pussy
what a pussy.
you're a pussy.
sex
aluminum.
love
tenderness
affection
bondage
passion
sweetheart
my love
darling
adoration
pink
flowers
inverting
hair
makeup
nails
pedicure
Raindrops on roses
whiskers on kittens
warm woolen mittens
Can I do your hair?
whatever
fuck
And especially:
Kelly
Dana
Kim
Liz
But most especially:
I love you Mark
~~;~@ <3>

Hanging out at Kelly's

2004-08-14T19:49:00.000-07:00

Oh man, that was a close one.
Kelly almost caught me cheating on her. Liz just flipped me off and I told her the truth, that to me that means "I love you and I want to have sex with you" and then Kelly said "Mike! Are you cheating on me?" so I covered really well by saying "no". She believed me. I knew she would. I said she was welcome to join us! She kicked me! I can't believe it!!
That's all for now!
I love you!!!

My second post

2004-08-14T19:18:00.000-07:00

I hate when people slander my good name.
I couldn't handle staying away frome this journal for too long.
I like having a place to release my innermost thoughts and deepest feelings.
Somtimes I think nobody likes me.
I just found out that Tim Lindner had a livejournal. I can't believe he would! What a bitch.
Shoot, everyone knows blogger is better!! I love blogger!!
I also love Dana.
And Kelly.
And Liz.
And Marie.
No, not Marie. But Chelsea.
And Tim.
Especially Tim.
Sometimes I think he doesn't even care.
I am into hardcore BDSM. In case you don't know that means: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism. mmmm sex. I like to be on the bottom, if you catch my drift. wink!!
I also work for Elizabeth's whore house, but only as a part time job. It's Madam Christian's House of Earthly Delights. You should go there and read my profile.
Give me a call, I only charge 25 cents a minute.

I am Mike Helwig (really I am)

2004-08-14T19:02:00.000-07:00

Hi, this is Mike Helwig. I am kind of a loser but that Dana girl is really super hot.
Sincerley,
Mike Helwig